


The Long Wait For Happiness

by camdors



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, background Meg/Ryan if you squint - Freeform, background Michael/Lindsay - Freeform, basically jerevin is the end goal, i like the sad ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-14 19:45:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10543293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camdors/pseuds/camdors
Summary: What would you do if you had the power to make people fall in love with you? Gavin's had this burden for less than ten years, but he can already tell you it's something you don't want to deal with.All Gavin wants is to be loved, to be happy, and to have Jeremy by his side.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Let's get down to the good stuff - this is my first RT fic that's longer than 500 words, it is also the first creative piece I've written in years; so, constructive criticism is welcome! I was inspired by those posts you see on social media about having a bunch of pills that could give you powers but you can only choose one. I hope you like my take on these posts, enjoy! :)

You know those posts you always see online? Those ‘the red pill will give you the power to read minds but the blue pill will give you the power to fly, you can only choose one’ posts? Well, apparently they're not all fantasy. Gavin didn't usually have much to say about his life back in England, but one topic he always made sure to avoid was the pills. 

As it turns out, Gavin had met a lot of interesting people through working with the Phantom - he's met youtubers and actors, and directors - but no one else quite as interesting as this one intern he met on the set of Hot Fuzz. One moment Gavin was minding his business near the snacks table - he just finished his last shoot and decided to stick around for a little longer to watch the others work - and the next moment this intern had come up to him, telling him about how he has these ‘pills’ that will give you ‘any power you want’. Needless to say, Gavin thought he was crazy, or maybe a drug dealer. Though, through Gavin’s polite decline he still persisted, trying to convince him that he was telling the truth and yet again made his offer. The moment he accepted it, his life changed. 

Long story short, the guy was not, in fact, crazy. If you asked Gavin now, he wouldn't know why he followed that intern other than to just have a good story to tell. This guy claimed to be a part of some private medicine research facility in America, he smuggled the pills here hoping to make some money. Gavin humoured him and his story, thinking this might be some practical joke by now, but he's realised just how wrong he was. The guy offered him pills of which he could only choose one, each one giving him a different ‘power’, but with a catch. Apparently there were ‘thousands and thousands’ of powers and pills in production, but the guy could only get four of them overseas (yeah, sure). The four pills he presented to him would give him the power to either read minds, fly, make people fall in love with him, or shapeshift. Now, we could go through all of the thoughts going through Gavin's mind to make a decision of which one to take, but nowadays he usually just thinks he chose whichever one would be the least risky should the meeting not work out. 

He decided in the end to choose the pill that would make people fall in love with him - if he was going to make it anywhere in the cinematography business, he's gotta have some charm. Except, this isn't where the encounter ended. The guy told him that there was, of course, a disadvantage to the power, but Gavin had already made his decision. So the catch was, Gavin could only make five people fall in love with him, with just the touch of his hand. This wasn't the consequence Gavin was expecting, but having anyone he wants fall in love with him? He could handle that. So he took the pill and went on with his life. 

\---

The first time he used his powers, it was an accident. He was hanging out with his best friend Dan, playing the new Call of Duty at Gavin's house. It had been months since Gavin had taken the pill, and he'd almost forgotten about the whole encounter ever happening. But, after a particularly good match online, Dan and Gavin high-fived in celebration - this is when he started to remember. It was like something in Dan’s mind clicked after the contact, like he was looking at Gavin in a completely new light, like he's noticed things about him that he never even considered before. 

This was not good. Gavin quickly realised how he actually made people fall in love with him; physical contact paired with any type of positive emotional excitement. The moment he saw Dan’s eyes light up and his smile get wider, he panicked. The panic didn't stop for the next few months, in fact, it went on for the next three years. Gavin realised the weight of his powers over the next month; Dan, though he didn't really treat Gavin any differently, had become softer and more sensitive. He'd smile at Gavin more, his touch would linger a little longer than usual, and overall he looked… Sad, if Gavin was honest. Dan hadn't come to him to tell him about his feelings, and Gavin was grateful for that, even if he hated to see the other man upset. Though Gavin didn't treat him any differently to before, he couldn't deny that he didn't have any romantic feelings for his best friend. 

After that first month, it had become Gavin’s goal to figure out how to make someone fall out of love with him once the first touch had been administered. He went over all possible options in his head and came down to two that he thought might actually work. He first thought that maybe physical contact was the key, so he became distant to Dan, no more high fives or hugs, no more wrestling or play fighting - but to no avail. His second thought was maybe he needed to do the same thing he did to gain the love, except with negative emotion instead. He tried this method out during one of their more serious fights, putting a hand on Dan’s shoulder and focusing on his anger at the situation - but when Dan’s reaction to his gesture was to give a sad smile, forgiveness on the tip of his tongue, Gavin knew this couldn't be the answer either. 

He didn't quite know where to go from there, he didn't want to do anything to worsen his situation, so he tried not to meddle with it too much. But throughout the years he couldn't deny the guilt for what was ultimately his fault. He hated seeing his best friend pine after him, hated to see him sad when Gavin obviously didn't feel the same way. Not long after they created the Slo Mo Guys and their channel started gaining popularity, Gavin knew he had to really try to put an end to Dan's feelings. It took a lot of mulling over and a lot of failed attempts, until one night, back at Gavin’s house playing a game of Halo. They were celebrating the rise of their YouTube channel, but there was tension in the air that needed to be addressed. Gavin took this as his chance. 

“You alright, B?” Gavin asked after another one of Dan’s easily avoidable deaths in the game. 

“Yeah, B…” Dan said quietly, not taking his eyes away from the screen. 

This answer, for obvious reasons, didn't satisfy Gavin at all. “C’mon… You can tell me anything, B. You know that.” He pried. 

“Gav…” Dan replied softly, “I…” Suddenly Dan’s face became hard, and his manner seemed more guarded, “It doesn't matter. Really, I’m fine.”

Gavin searched his brain for some explanation for his friend’s sudden change in attitude, “Is it the channel?” He asked inquisitively. 

“No, no, it's not that.”

“Is it me? Did I do something?” Gavin was trying to remember everything he'd done in the past week, but couldn't figure out what could bring this on. Through his reasoning he realised that Dan had gone quiet beside him. “...B?”

A deep sigh. “B, for the past couple of years I…” Dan paused the game and looked down at his controller, careful not to look Gavin in the eye. 

The moment that Gavin had been dreading for years was right in front of him, and the panic he felt the first moment he realised Dan had been affected by his power started bubbling over again. He couldn't let Dan do this to himself, and he couldn't bring himself to see his friend in any emotional pain. He had to put an end to this. 

“Y’know…” Gavin hesitated, he decided that what he was about to say was the only thing he could do to save this friendship. He became very quiet, before whispering, “You know I don't love you.”

Gavin couldn't bear to look at Dan’s reaction, but he knew that if he didn't acknowledge the other man, it'd only make the situation worse. Dan’s face crumpled up in anguish, and Gavin felt guiltier than ever before. 

“Dan, please…” Gavin prompted, trying to get a response out of the other man. 

“It’s fine, I'm fine. It's not like I wasn't expecting that reply anyway…” Dan replied, brows furrowed. 

It was at this moment where Gavin saw something click in Dan’s brain. Suddenly, he looked a lot calmer, as if he came to a pleasant conclusion to a battle he'd been having for a while. 

Dan looked up at him and gave a sheepish smile, unpausing the game. “How about another round, B?” Gavin gave a small smile in response and glued his eyes back to the screen. 

Later that night, long after Dan had left, Gavin had realised the full situation. He had done it, he made the spell wear off of Dan finally. All he had to do was tell him he didn't love him, and the spell broke as if Dan was completely fine with suddenly not wanting to be with the person he's loved for years. A flood of relief washed over Gavin as he registered this fact, happy that he wouldn't have to deal with the guilt of making his friend love him for the rest of his life. As an added bonus, now he knows what to do for the next time he used his power.

\---

It wasn't until a couple of years later that Gavin thought to use his powers again, this time knowing what to do and how to use them. He had been in the Achievement Hunter office one day, surrounded by his closest friends and playing some of his favourite games. But there was something that Gavin was keeping a secret, he had been pining after one of his coworkers for a while, and after a lot of moral arguments going on in his head, he decided he wanted to use his power on him next. Of course, his affections would be for none other than his closest friend Michael - as if nobody saw that one coming. Gavin just wished that he felt the same way, he craved his touch, his affection, all he wanted was to know that Michael felt the same butterflies he did when their eyes met, or that Gavin made him as happy as Michael made him. 

Michael had invited him over his house after work to play some video games, and Gavin knew this was the day he had to do it. He sneaked a glance to Michael by his side and grinned affectionately, turning back to the game before Michael noticed. 

“Hey boi, you ready for tonight?” Michael asked him after they finished their last recording for the day. 

“Yeah boi! It's gonna be top!” Gavin replied, wearing the brightest smile. They made their way out of the office and outside, waiting for a taxi to go by. 

When they got to Michael's house, the usual protocol soon followed. They raided the fridge, grabbed a few bevs, and turned the Xbox on. After a couple of rounds of Halo and a couple of beers later, they were buzzing with excitement. Gavin looked over to see Michael smiling and laughing along with Gavin’s terrible playing, and felt a warmth rise in his chest at seeing the other man so happy. He couldn't help but reach out and touch his shoulder. As Michael registered the sudden touch, he looked up into Gavin’s eyes. Except now, his eyes held a new sense of familiarity and fondness that Gavin had never seen before. 

“Michael…” Gavin murmured softly, a shy smile on his face. 

“Gav…” Michael whispered, bringing his hand up to Gavin’s cheek. His eyes seemed to search Gavin’s face, as if he'd seen him for the first time and wanted to take all of his features in. 

Without any hesitation, Gavin leaned in and pressed their lips together. And oh boy, he'd never felt those butterflies so intensely before, he reveled in the way Michael's lips moved against his. When they separated, both men smiled at each other wildly, and the moment was so perfect that nothing could ruin it. 

Needless to say, the months that followed after that day were pure bliss for the two. The office was now very familiar with their affection for each other, and the two never tried to hide it. The love the men had for each other never faltered, and everyone had thought they'd be together for the rest of their lives. 

Gavin thought this too, until they met Lindsay. Lindsay was beautiful, there's no doubt about that, and boy, was she funny. Any guy in the world would be lucky to date her, but it seemed the only guy she had her eye on was Michael. Her and Michael had become close friends since she started working for RoosterTeeth. It was obvious that Michael loved her company, and she loved his in return. But of course, Michael’s love for Gavin never faltered through Lindsay's suggestive persona, though only Gavin knew it was because of his power rather than Michael’s lack of interest in Lindsay. Gavin would watch their interactions, he'd see how Lindsay's whole demeanor would change around Michael, she was so much happier and bubbly. Their personalities fit together so perfectly, always knowing how to joke with the other and how to comfort them. He couldn't stand it. 

He saw how perfect they were for each other, and even though Michael seemed content with his relationship with the other man, Gavin still had this sinking guilty feeling in his stomach whenever he thought about it. He knew he was the reason why they weren't together and he couldn't handle it. He loved Michael so much, but he couldn't live with himself if he knew that Michael was meant to be with Lindsay. He knew that he had to break the spell. 

Gavin had decided that one night when they're hanging out at home he'd say it. Those four words. He was prepared for the encounter to break him, but he cared more for Michael’s love life than his. When he sat on the couch with the other man it killed him to see his smile when he knew what he was going to do next. 

“So, how was Lindsay today?” Gavin asked nonchalantly. 

“She’s great! Fuck it was so funny today at lunch, there was this guys and he… Nah, you should've been there. Why didn't you come?” Gavin didn't miss the light in Michael's eyes as he talked about her. 

Gavin’s nose scrunched up as he tried to remain neutral, “I didn't want to impose, I know you guys are pretty close… I wanted to talk about that, actually.” 

“C’mon, boi. I know people like to talk but you know that no one ever comes before you. You know I love you.” Michael put his arm around Gavin and smiled affectionately. 

Gavin knew that if he didn't say the words now he'd never have the courage to do it. “That's the thing, Michael I…” He tried to keep his voice steady and neutral but was failing miserably. 

“Yeah, Gavin?” Michael was becoming concerned by Gavin’s tone. 

“I don't love you.” It would've been inaudible if they weren't sitting so close to each other. Gavin squeezed his eyes tightly, willing the tears not to fall. 

Michael was breathing deeply next to him as he took his arm off Gavin’s shoulder and put his hand on his face. “Are you serious? What do you mean you don't love me? Is it Lindsay? I can stop spending so much time with her if you want me to, please!” Michael’s words were becoming erratic as he raised his voice. 

“I’m sorry boi… I'm so sorry. I had to say it, I don't mean it but I have to! Trust me, you won't mind by tomorrow.” Gavin was still speaking quietly, focusing on steadying his voice. 

“You had to? What does that mean?” Gavin hated it when Michael was angry. 

“Michael… You have to trust me. You can be with Lindsay now.”

“Enough about Lindsay! Whatever, I'm going to bed, you better explain to me what the hell you’re on about in the morning.” Michael got up off the couch and stormed out of the room to his bedroom. Gavin thought it'd be best if he slept in the lounge that night. 

As Gavin suspected, when he woke up in the morning he found Michael acting as if nothing had changed between them. Michael smiled at him as he walked into the kitchen and offered him a cup of coffee. 

“Yes please, how are you?”

“Dude, I think I'm gonna do it today. I’m gonna ask Lindsay out! Isn't that cool? Anyway, how'd you sleep?” Michael couldn’t hide his smile. 

“Yeah, I'm happy for you.” Gavin said half-heartedly. See the thing is, it's not like when the spell wore off the person that's affected forgets ever being in love. No, it's more like they just didn't care about the relationship at all. And if you were to ask Gavin, he'd say that's the worst part of all of this - having to see the person you love just act like the relationship you had meant nothing to them, it really does a number on you. But of course, he remains strong and puts on a smile every time and acts like the break ups are mutual. 

\---

You'd think Gavin would've learnt how to handle his power after what happened with Michael, but of course, he had to fall in love again. He was sad and heartbroken, and Ray was there for him. Even though Gavin tried his best to put on a brave face and act like everything was fine, it was like Ray knew that he needed a friend. They’d hang out every fortnight, usually just playing games and making jokes. It was like nothing mattered when they were together, like they could just have fun without consequence. 

Gavin fell hard. There was no denying he loved Ray and his carefree nature, he was the perfect neutralizer for Gavin’s excited manner. With Ray it just happened naturally, a hug after another successful day of playing video games on the couch for hours and he was in love. Their relationship was all fun and no fights, there wasn't a dull moment when they were together. Everyone in the office could see that Ray’s indifferent exterior changed around Gavin, he became happier and more enthusiastic. They were two kids in love, always finding new things they could do to make their relationship feel new again. 

But, of course, it wasn't a big surprise to anyone when Ray became less and less interested in his job at Achievement Hunter and instead fell in love with streaming on Twitch. It was also not a surprise that this development put a strain on his and Gavin’s relationship. Ray was still completely in love with Gavin, and he was willing to stay with AH for him despite his unhappiness there. It crushed Gavin to see Ray being miserable just so they could keep their relationship, because they knew that if Ray left they’d grow apart, too. Gavin realised he had to do something to keep Ray happy, that he had to break the spell so he could live his dream. It was during a conversation about work where it happened. 

“Look, Gav, you know that if I leave it'll be harder for us to see each other and be together, I'm fine with staying. I promise.” Ray reassured him as they were getting into bed. 

“Ray, please. I know you love to stream, we all know you don't like it at work anymore-” Gavin insisted, “You shouldn't stay just for me.”

“Gavin, don't worry, I love you. I'll be fine.” Ray said with a wave of his hand, he seemed to be unconcerned by the topic at hand. 

“Ray, you can't do this to yourself! You know you'd be happier if you leave.” It was clear that Gavin wasn't in the mood to let the topic go. 

“Gavin, trust me, it's fine. You know I can handle it. Plus, we love each other enough to make this work.”

Gavin grabbed Ray’s shoulders, forcing the other man to look into his eyes. “Ray…” Gavin started, quietly. He took a deep sigh, “Ray, I don't love you.”

“Oh.” The light in Ray’s eyes was gone, but his expression changed to a friendly smile. “Okay, I'll see you in the morning, yeah?” He turned over to switch off the lights and laid down. Gavin didn't sleep a wink that night. 

Needless to say, Ray quit soon afterwards. Through all the sorrow and goodbyes, Gavin was there, waiting for Ray to say something. But when all he did was come back with a one-armed hug and a ‘seeya’, Gavin knew he couldn't lose any more best friends this way. 

\---

In Gavin’s sorrow for the loss of Ray - in which they were both right, they hadn't so much as talked since the other man quit - had him stumbling into finding love in a different place. Burnie had told Gavin all about this girl that he's thinking about hiring, how she's so smart and beautiful and how Gavin would love her. Her name was Meg, and soon enough they started messaging each other regularly. They met soon after their first conversation, when Monty introduced them at PAX. Gavin swore he'd never seen someone so gorgeous in his life, she was so funny and smart and enjoyed Gavin’s company. He knew it was a long shot, but he really liked her, and she seemed possibly interested as well. After they met, they spent a lot more time messaging each other, and when Burnie finally decided to hire her, they saw each other every day. 

Everyone could see how happy Meg made him, and he was in no position to deny it. Gavin didn't want to make her love him, he wanted it to be real this time. But he couldn't contain his excitement when they kissed - he didn't mean it, but when their lips touched his emotions skyrocketed to pure bliss. They were connected by the hip after that. Their relationship was sweet and honest, it was like Meg knew Gavin better than he knew himself. He seemed to be truly happy with her around, she made him a better person. Her looks and personality were like something out of a movie, she was too good to be true. But she still loved him despite it all, though Gavin knew better than that. 

Unfortunately, that was the very reason why it ended a year later. They were the star couple of the company, their beauty and charisma seemed like it could brave through it all. But that was exactly it, she was too perfect for him. He felt as if he was weighing her down, like they were meant to be friends at best. He knew that she had more potential in life that he just couldn't help her achieve. Letting her go was what was best, he just hoped that they'd still remain close after his powers came undone - she’d helped him through so much, and he knew he couldn't go on without her at least being a close friend. 

He did it before work. They were having a normal conversation about their weekend and how they spent it when he just came out with it. 

“Meg, you're too good for me.” Gavin let out abruptly. 

“What?” Meg was startled and confused at his sudden confession. 

“You wouldn't love me if I wasn't like this, I know you wouldn't,” This confused her even more, “I really like you, Meg. I hope that our friendship lasts forever. You've helped me through so much, but I… I just… I don't love you.” He thought he'd be used to it by now, the look of disinterest on the other person's face as he essentially broke up with them. 

He was wrong. “Oh, alright. Bevs this weekend then? I know you've got a hard week ahead of you, I want you to have something to look forward to.” She smiled at him before getting out the car and walking into stage 5. He hated the feeling of being unwanted after being loved so deeply, but she was still so sweet to him. He was baffled for a second by her instant friendliness, she acted as if she really was there for him even without the love being there to connect them. He smiled to himself before walking into the building, ready to face the day knowing that even if he lost a lover, he still had them as a friend. 

\---

His happiness did not last for long. One night, alone in his bed, he got lost in his thoughts. He thought about all his past relationships and how they'd failed, how he was too insecure and selfless to keep them going. On the other hand, he thought about how selfish it was to use his powers in the first place - would anyone actually force someone they care about to feel something they didn't want to? He wished that his powers worked differently, he's so touchy-feely and excitable - accidents tend to happen. He knew he couldn't just distance himself from his friends, he couldn't close up his friendliness and put it in a box, he just wasn't like that. But how could he risk doing that to another friend of his? He just wished his power would be gone forever. 

He really didn't think it could get any worse than that night, but when he went to work the next day he didn't feel any better. He was bringing down the mood of all the videos, which meant they had to scrap a few, and no one knew whether to be mad at him or to ask what was up, so they just left it. Eventually, Gavin decided to excuse himself from the room and made a beeline to the nearest bathroom. He locked the door behind him and looked at himself in the mirror. Stop being so stupid, you're ruining everything today. Get it together. He thought to himself, when suddenly there was a knock on the door. 

“I’m in here,” He choked out, trying to level out his voice. 

“Are you okay? Can I come in?” It was Ryan, the last person Gavin was expecting to go around asking how he was. 

Gavin unlocked the bathroom door, “I… Yeah.” He didn't see a need in protesting, it was already obvious that he needed someone to talk to, why push Ryan away?

Ryan came in and closed the door behind him. “Hey, are you alright? You've been acting a little off today, you know you can talk to us-” Ryan’s concerned tone was cut off by the feeling of Gavin’s lips against his. 

Gavin couldn't help himself, he needed someone, anyone. He was desperate for love, desperate for something really real. In the haze of his frustration and guilt, he went for the first friendly face. Unfortunately for Ryan, this meant another person under Gavin’s spell. Gavin was surprised when he felt Ryan’s lips move against his greedily, before he remembered that he had room for just one more person to use his power on. He pulled back in amidst his realization and saw Ryan looking back at him, a fire now ignited in his eyes that Gavin had never seen before. He ducked in to steal another kiss and Gavin moved his lips lazily in return, before he broke apart again, tears brimming in his eyes. He pressed his face into Ryan’s shoulder, letting out a quiet sob as the other man wrapped his arms around his small frame. 

“Hey, what's wrong? It's okay, I'm here.” Ryan said reassuringly. But how could Gavin even begin to tell him what was wrong? He couldn't tell him about how he has this power to make people fall in love with him, or that he was too pathetic to even keep his relationships going even while the other person was under a spell that only he could break. He couldn't express his anger and frustration at himself for yet again using his power on another victim when he promised to be more careful next time. No, he couldn't tell Ryan anything. All he could do was cry into his shoulder and savour his touch, his warmth, and hope that he'd be better by tomorrow. 

\---

Ryan and Gavin’s little ‘fling’ hadn't even been going on for more than five months before Gavin realised he didn't actually love Ryan. He only liked the man’s touch, his comforting words and his reassuring smile. They were never officially ‘together’ - they'd be stealing a kiss in the middle of recording a video, or they'd go over to each other's houses and cuddle up on the couch, whatever show on at the time going unnoticed. But they were never ‘boyfriends’, they were never a ‘couple’, they were just Ryan and Gavin. Sure, they had become a lot closer, but that was just it. Ryan was prepared for their relationship going further, but Gavin was just not feeling it. He didn't love Ryan the way the other man hoped. In fact, Gavin didn't think he loved him at all. He was a distraction, and Gavin hated the thought of using him. 

But, five months in, Gavin seemed to notice someone else a little more. Jeremy wasn't exactly new to the company, but ever since he was brought on as the sixth Achievement Hunter, Gavin had gotten a lot closer to him. They'd hang out as regularly as any friend, but it was different. He felt such a strong connection to Jeremy, it was like what he felt with Ray and Michael, but this time it was unique. Jeremy wasn't aggressive like Michael, he wasn't careless like Ray. He wasn't even honest like Meg - always quick to be secretive and and careful about what he did or said. Gavin was entranced by him, he was hanging on every word he said, every story he had to share. His precise movements, never failing to show everyone in the office the same amount of kindness, and with it giving them the same amount of teasing as the others. 

Gavin never even noticed his feelings for Jeremy until he realised he didn't crave Ryan’s touch anymore, he didn't find solace in the other man’s arms. Instead, he now looked forward to when he'd see Jeremy, whether they'd both be at the office around the same time today, whether they'd be recording a video together. Gavin’s favourite time to see him was during the Off Topic podcast, he decided. Even though Gavin loved to see Jeremy having fun while playing video games - or on the other hand, getting frustrated - he much preferred to see him sitting down, just chatting with friends and drinking a beer. Gavin’s favourite thing about seeing Jeremy on set was it meant he could look at him and smile at him without there being any computers or people in the way of his view. He loved to see him talk, see how he moved deliberately while still being distracted by the conversations around him. Jeremy didn't talk nearly as much as Michael, or even Ryan, but he was always listening intently, never skipping a beat to respond when being talked to. 

Seeing Jeremy on the podcast set just made him crave more and more to see him on the weekends, to talk to him without a care in the world and have him open up. They started to hang out at the bar semi-regularly, always with other people around, but Gavin’s heart would still beat faster when he thought about sitting across from him, a lazy smile dancing on his lips after a few pints. He knew he couldn't keep up his relationship with Ryan anymore, he couldn't pretend that they had something together when Gavin’s loneliness was taken away. 

After work one day, while Gavin and Ryan are walking out of the building, he just blurts it out. “I don't love you, Rye. You know I don't.” For the first time since Gavin had received his power, he's okay with saying this. He doesn't mind because this time he knows it's true. 

He's even okay when Ryan lets out an uncaring response, “I figured, you still up for this weekend with Meg and Jeremy, though?” Gavin only replies with a nod and a small smile, making his way to Ryan’s car and getting into the passenger side. 

\---

At the bar that Saturday, it was different. This time, he could pine after Jeremy without there being anything in the back of his mind to worry about. He felt free without the burden of his power and for the first time in a long time, he allowed himself to have fun. Gavin wouldn't admit it, but he was a little drunk about three hours in, too drunk to get home safely by himself. 

“Hey, buddy, I'm heading off, you gonna be okay?” He faintly registered Jeremy’s voice next to him and looked up with a bright smile. Before he could respond, though, Jeremy spoke up again, “Alright, I'm driving you home. A taxi doesn't seem like a good idea.” Jeremy put his warm hand on Gavin’s shoulder and attempted to help Gavin out of his seat. 

“What? Okay, you don't have to if you don't want to…” Gavin tried to get out, stumbling on his words. Now he didn't think he was that drunk, but alcohol paired with Jeremy’s offer made him more flustered than he intended. 

“It's alright, pal. Let's just say bye to Meg and Ryan before we go.” Jeremy laid his hand between Gavin’s shoulder blades in attempt to guide him to the others. Gavin heard the other man saying his goodbyes and assuring the others of their safety, though as soon as he was done talking, Meg and Ryan were back into their animated conversation, laughing loudly and brightly at one another. Gavin smiled. 

The drive home lacked conversation, the radio buzzing softly in the background as Gavin soaked up the scenery around him. It was as if the drive took no time at all, the two quickly arriving at Gavin’s house. When they pulled up outside, Gavin couldn't deny that he was already dreading leaving the comfortable silence with Jeremy just to end up in an empty house alone. 

“Come in,” Gavin said without thinking. He looked up to see Jeremy’s friendly smile, shaking his head. “No, really. I… Please.” He was begging for the other man to stay, hoping that Jeremy would just accept and think nothing more of it except that Gavin was drunk and wasn't capable of being home alone and safe. 

Jeremy didn't seem to notice Gavin’s internal dilemma, and without any hesitation, he started to help Gavin get inside. They were silent on the way in, Jeremy wordlessly taking the key from Gavin’s hands and unlocking the door. Gavin made a beeline for the lounge room before sluggishly sitting on the couch. 

Jeremy stood idly at the entrance before saying his goodbyes and turning back to the front door. He was surprised to feel a tug on his shirt sleeve and turned back around to investigate. He saw Gavin leaning across the couch, his arm stretched out to where he could barely grasp Jeremy’s sleeve and tug him back. Jeremy thought it'd be sensible to tug away and get back to his car, but he didn't miss the pleading in Gavin’s eyes as tears threatened to fall. 

The shock and sympathy that Jeremy conveyed at the sight of him just made Gavin stumble over the edge. He couldn't deny his pain anymore - he tried to convince himself that he was fine with losing his power for good, but it was just not working. Gavin was scared, scared that no one will ever love him unless he made them. He didn't want to admit his fear, wanted to pretend that he can live his life without someone to comfort him by his side. But he was so fragile, and seeing Jeremy walk away sparked something in him. He didn't want to see people walking away from him his whole life, he couldn't bare it. Through his thoughts, Gavin had barely noticed that he was now crying in Jeremy’s arms. 

“Hey, shhh. It's okay, I'm here, I'm here.” Jeremy whispered into Gavin’s hair. Gavin didn't know how he ended up here - he didn't know what went wrong to hurt him so badly. In his eyes, he had no one to blame but himself, and he would bet that anyone else would think the same. Jeremy’s voice was the only thing keeping him grounded, the only thing keeping him stable during his whirlwind of emotion. All he knew at this moment was that Jeremy was here, with him, and he was trying to help. 

Gavin steadied his breathing and lifted his head to lock eyes with Jeremy. “Hey, buddy, you okay? You can talk to me about whatever's bothering you…” He started, making sure to keep his voice low so as not to startle Gavin. “Did something happen with Ryan? I know you two are pretty close-” Gavin knew he was just trying to help, but the reminder of how Ryan was the last person he used his power on just made his shoulders so much heavier. Gavin shook his head no quickly, swiftly avoiding eye contact this time. “It's okay, you don't have to tell me. But I want you to know that I'm here for you, okay?” Jeremy finished, briefly squeezing his arms around Gavin tighter than before. 

Jeremy was about to lose hope when Gavin spoke up quietly, “I've just been… So stupid. So, so stupid. I can't believe I thought anyone would ever… Would ever feel that way about me.” He looked back up to see Jeremy’s understanding gaze. Gavin knew Jeremy would never understand the extent of his experience, but he appreciated the man’s attempt greatly. Gavin had been living with his secret for barely even ten years, but the burden felt like it was there for thousands. 

Eventually Jeremy and Gavin detached themselves from one another. “Are you gonna be okay tonight? Did you want me to stay?” Jeremy’s offer was so genuine, his concerned tone so apparent in the open air. Acceptance was burning on the tip of Gavin’s tongue; the thought of Jeremy being there to comfort him, so have the warmth of his body close enough to touch… But he couldn't do it. He couldn't drag Jeremy into his mess of a life, he deserved better than that, he knew it. He had to let him go even if it killed him to have no one. 

\---

The days following Gavin’s breakdown had proven that something had changed in his and Jeremy’s relationship. Jeremy had been talking to him a lot more, not like how they talk in videos; this was different. Jeremy was more gentle with him now, always asking how he was doing and if he needed to talk. Of course, Gavin always feigned happiness in these situations, but he couldn't help but be more open to the other man, he had been slowly letting him in, on a deeper level than what they previously had. Gavin never missed the knowing glances Jeremy gave him whenever Meg and Ryan were brought up, or his new habit of grabbing Gavin’s shoulder softly as if to bring him back down to earth. He'd still never let Jeremy know the full extent of his past relationships, or why nobody else ever felt the need to bring them up. But Jeremy was nice, Jeremy was curious - and it was all he could ask for in his situation. 

Gavin couldn't deny his love for Jeremy, but he had forgotten for so long what it was like to not be loved back, it was tearing him apart. He'd never admit it to himself, but sometimes he wished he still had his power, just so he could kiss Jeremy and tell him how much he loved him. He felt like he’ll never be loved again, like the only reason why he was ever loved in the first place was because he forced it upon the other person. His thoughts just went in circles without any solace in sight, he had grown tired of his sleepless nights where he was left feeling just as broken as he did at the start. 

He and Jeremy started hanging out more. It was always Gavin who had invited him out at the start, desperate for a companion of any sort. Jeremy never hesitated to accept his offer, and eventually he was asking Gavin to come out, too. They had become much closer than they initially intended, and Gavin savoured every moment of their time together, fearing that the other man would let him go just as easily as the others had done. 

One day Meg had asked Gavin about them, “You guys have gotten so close, it's cute. When are you going to ask him out?” She loved to poke fun at Gavin and the situation, she was the only person that knew about his love for Jeremy and his fear of rejection. Despite her teasing, though, she understood his hesitation - he never dared tell her about his experience with love, but it was like she knew his reason for being so guarded. 

Of course Gavin would never ask Jeremy out, he couldn't risk their friendship. He needed Jeremy, and he wasn't about to drive him away. He knew he was being unreasonable by not just letting his feelings out, but after having your heart broken so many times, it really keeps your guarded. He knew that even if Jeremy didn't like him they'd still have to work together and see each other every day. But it'd be different, there'd be no secretive conversations, there'd be no cautious movement, they'd just be joking around in videos with nothing else to show for their friendship. No, Gavin was fine with keeping his feelings to himself if it meant he could have Jeremy alone on weekends, talking about nothing and everything without worries of what to do next. 

That all changed a month later; Jeremy had been particularly friendly at work one day, all bright smiles and playful teasing. Gavin was initially surprised at the other man’s excited behaviour, but he wasn’t about to start complaining. But when Jeremy invited him over to his house after work, he was nervous that something might be going on. Did Jeremy find a girl that we couldn't wait to tell him all about? Maybe he just got a new game and wanted to show it to him… Gavin couldn't help but over-analyze the situation. 

But when they got to his house that night, Jeremy’s demeanor changed into something a bit more nervous. They had gotten some lunch on the way and sat down on the couch to eat, watching whatever reruns were on tv. When they were done eating, Jeremy cleared the mess and sat back down, glancing at Gavin nervously. 

“Hey, Gavin…” Jeremy started, hesitantly, “I have to tell you something, but I hope that it doesn't ruin our friendship or… Or anything like that.”

“Don't worry, Lil J. You know you can tell me anything.” Gavin replied with a soft smile, he tried not to let his nervousness show. He started overthinking again, wondering what on earth Jeremy had to say that he'd think would upset Gavin or ruin their friendship. 

“Gavin, I,” The other man seemed to be overcoming some type of internal dilemma, before sighing and rushing out the words; “I really like you.” 

Gavin’s heart seemed to stop, but almost immediately afterward started thumping wildly. “What?” He replied, quietly. Shock was apparent on his face, he was on the edge of being confused and ecstatic. 

Jeremy took that as a bad sign, “I’m sorry, I know we’re good friends and we've been getting closer and I just can't handle hanging out with you so much unless you knew how I really felt-” his rambling was cut off by the soft pressure of Gavin’s hand on his face. “Gavin?”

Gavin couldn't wait any longer - the worry on Jeremy’s face and the exhilaration running through his veins - he leant in and kissed him. It was perfect; there was no roughness, no laziness, no rigid surface. Their lips fit together perfectly, as if everything in their lives had been for this one moment. As Jeremy’s hands curled softly around Gavin’s waist, the slimmer man could only think of how long he had waited for this moment, how he would never even dream that he'd be here in the first place. It was like all his emotions were on high, his stomach buzzing with butterflies and goosebumps rising in the nape of his neck. 

When they separated moments later, the two men locked eyes, soaking in the feeling of what had just occurred. “I never knew you felt that way,” Gavin began, grinning, “Lil J! Why didn't you tell me?”

“Hey, you never told me anything either!” Jeremy laughed, a sweet innocent laugh that Gavin had grown to love. 

Gavin laughed in response, relief setting in. “Lovely little Jeremy, how could I not like you? You're so wonderful and nice…” He trailed off, becoming embarrassed. 

A blush started to rise in Jeremy’s cheeks, but he quickly controlled himself, hoping Gavin wouldn't notice - he did. “Suppose we should just be happy we’re here now,” Jeremy noted, quietly. 

“Yeah.” Gavin replied, both boys staring up at each other with toothy grins. 

\---

After that, Gavin and Jeremy spent more time together, ‘hanging out’ almost every day - they wouldn't admit that they were dates to the others. But they noticed, still, they're closeness, the gazes that would last slightly longer now, the fact that they couldn't look at each other without a smile plastering their faces. 

Michael was the first to speak up after filming a VR the Champions video, “You guys seem a lot closer lately, anything you wanna tell us?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. 

“Yeah, actually. What's up with you guys lately?” Ryan chimed in. 

“Well, you see, we-” Jeremy panicked, they hadn't figured out how they should to tell the other Achievement Hunters yet. 

“Hey, don't pressure them,” Geoff insisted, before ruining his helpfulness by adding “Clearly they've been touching dicks.” The tension in the room broke at this, but Gavin and Jeremy were blushing profusely. 

Gavin decided to just let it out, “Well, yeah. We’re together, sorry for not telling you guys sooner.” The men looked at each other sheepishly. 

“Hey, don't sweat it. I'm happy for you two.” Geoff said sincerely, patting Gavin on the back. 

“Oh man, tumblr is gonna love this when they find out,” Ryan chuckled, “but really, I’m glad you guys are happy with each other.” he added, before Michael reminded everyone that Off Topic was about to start soon. 

On set, after everyone had sat down and the cameras were rolling, the men looked at each other as if nothing else mattered in the room. They smiled warmly at one another and held hands, ready for the rest of their lives together. They knew they could get through anything with each other, and they knew that there was still so much to learn. But they were happy, and that's what mattered to them the most. Happiness was all that Gavin had been craving for all these years, and it was right there; next to him, holding his hand.


End file.
